VASCO

  I noticed a picture of a young boy today

in my house

He was smiling and hugging the neck of a woman 

smiling stunningly

I recognized the boy

It was me

and of course the woman was you

My initial confusion

was not the smile

which I recognized inherently

Nor the photo itself

Nor the embrace

But the missing feeling of being connected 

has thrown me for a loop

I find myself slightly unrecognizable

since you're gone

I don't have the wherewithal to draw a good conclusion

on most days

I'm so busy

with work and distractions

None of them more important than you

All of them less painful than your leaving

which still seems to shock me

and come in waves

Along with grief and crying

and snow and loss

It surprised me to not immediately put it together

The boy in the photo

The woman with the disarming smile

 For a second

they were just two people

Like people I didn't know

Because one of us is gone

and the other is going

I imagine a sailor lost at sea

Having used a star for guidance

and tracking and gauge

for so long it becomes second nature

Even when it's dark

Even in a storm that lasts weeks

he knows it is there

and will present itself again

Alas, looking up

I might as well be spinning

(which is funny because I am

and who knows what forces of nature you must contend with)

Arms up like the fulcrum of a telescope 

with no telescope to be found

Just spinning on the axis

until the two become one 

and it's all just a circle

I read about the disappearance of one hundred stars today

Nobody knows what happened to them

They just vanished

Or perhaps there is some other explanation

Extra terrestrial life forms using them for energy

or a red supergiant which skips the supernova

and goes right to black hole home

Or maybe it's you 

Plucking them from the night sky

or taking ninety-nine friends to another place in the far orbits

When the words red and supergiant found their way to me

along with the disappearing trick

I certainly thought about the sailor

and the fact that he would also have to find another star

to rest his bearings on

Unless he just decided to stay

In the storm

because at least he knew where that was